Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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