I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
