I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
