i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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