Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
