This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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