you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
