I could make wine with my vomit
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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