Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
