Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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