I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
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You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
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There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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