David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My legs feel like baby dolphins
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
