I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
