I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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