The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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