shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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