Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize