Someone shit on the floor
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
