I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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