i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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