During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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