I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
