So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
