"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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