all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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