You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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