brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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