i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize