I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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