Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
