Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize