Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
