I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
