so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hippo gnu deer
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
