I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
