woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
