one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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