Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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