Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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