girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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