Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have so many feelings about this burrito
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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