I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
