Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
