Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
