Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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