9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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