I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
