So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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