woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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