Barsexuality is the new black.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
