New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
