I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
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