i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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