sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Even the bartender felt bad for me
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you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
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So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.