Texts From Last Night

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  (305): View more from Florida

  Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.

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  (305): Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did. http://tfl.nu/lrh7
  Replies (10) Good night (808) Bad night (1564)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.

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  (617): And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today. http://tfl.nu/vsrl
  Replies (7) Good night (4153) Bad night (903)
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  (607): View more from New York

  The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?

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  (607): The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her? http://tfl.nu/qpjw
  Replies (11) Good night (1252) Bad night (3648)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.

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  (414): I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions. http://tfl.nu/so75
  Replies (3) Good night (1926) Bad night (809)
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  (537): View more from

  I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.

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  (537): I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby. http://tfl.nu/uudp
  Replies (8) Good night (1939) Bad night (615)
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  (949): View more from California

  He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.

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  (949): He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men. http://tfl.nu/p93f
  Replies (32) Good night (3765) Bad night (817)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.

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  (267): I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with. http://tfl.nu/vaw3
  Replies (14) Good night (833) Bad night (926)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Lets trade lives

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears

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  (931): Lets trade lives (931): And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears http://tfl.nu/3fv6
  Replies (3) Good night (482) Bad night (586)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?

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  (317): I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened? http://tfl.nu/0nes
  Replies (3) Good night (331) Bad night (597)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.

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  (804): The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it. http://tfl.nu/wu4y
  Replies (1) Good night (429) Bad night (519)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.

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  (+44): apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer. http://tfl.nu/j569
  Replies (3) Good night (787) Bad night (366)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me

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  (317): Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me http://tfl.nu/2azp
  Replies (1) Good night (556) Bad night (325)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...

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  (615): I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own... http://tfl.nu/6vth
  Replies (2) Good night (684) Bad night (436)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.

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  (206): Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea. http://tfl.nu/ydnj
  Replies (1) Good night (521) Bad night (279)
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  (805): View more from California

  you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends

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  (805): you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends http://tfl.nu/d359
  Replies (5) Good night (404) Bad night (856)

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