the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so let's talk penis.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
