this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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