He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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