FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
