Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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