You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
