I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
