JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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